Irken Shadows
by watermelonwafflesBISCUITS
Summary: Has anyone heard of a 60s show called Dark Shadows? Tim Burton is making a version of it. This is a comedy of it with IZ characters and IZ OCs. next chapter shall be up soon! The first ch. is a cast list.
1. Cast List

**(A/n) Okay! I am planning a comedy/parody of a drama/soap opera. Here is the cast list so nobody gets confused when I call him or her different names. I don't own IZ, just OCs. First chapter of this should be coming soon. This is for the first story/season. These may be edited later.**

Liz: Nyx

Barnabas: Zim

Rodger: Tallest Purple

Carolyn: Kat

Maggie: Tenn

Sam: Spork

Victoria: Zita

Willie: (Human) Gir

Jason: Dib

David: Keef

Burke: Squid Man

Joe: Skoodge

Doctor: Professor Membrane

I have changed the last name in Dark Shadows from Collins to 'Cahil', Nyx's last name. I am basically forcing them to reenact the whole series from what I can get off of Netflix. It took me a while and a lot of revising to get the cast to where it is currently. Maggie, Joe, Burke, Sam and Doctor took six revisions to make up my mind. I will add commentary that wwB and the cast members make to make it a bit funnier. The title has also been a work in progress, as it went from Zim Shadows to Cahil Shadows to even Shadows of Doom. But rest assured, Irken Shadows will be the official name from now on. Some names such as Naomi and Josette have been left alone. Those names are IMPORTANT! Well in the first season at least, as I'm only halfway through the second season on Netflix at May 8, 2012.


	2. Episode One

**(A/n) Have any of you ever heard of a show from the 1960s called Dark Shadows? Because it's epic, and this is a parody/comedy of it with the Invader Zim cast and my OCs for that category. I am starting where I started on the series from Netflix. I love Netflix because they have Dark Shadows and Invader Zim. The name Dark Shadows might ring a couple bells because a movie is being made with Johnny Depp in it. I will refer to the characters as the IZ name or the DS name, first or last. So I don't own anything except my OCs and the idea of this. Enjoy chicos and chicas!**

Nyx scowled at the author and producer. "Must we have to do this?"

The authoress glared at the Irken. "Yes! If you don't I will do what you wish would never happen to you."

"Nice haircut." Nyx commented dryly.

"Whatever." The authoress tugged defensively at her newly chopped hair.

Dib looked over the script wwB had given all of them. "So we're starting already set into this series?"

"Yeah. And you are playing... Jason McGuire."

"So I have an Irish accent?"

"A fake one but yeah."

"And I get to be Liz?" Nyx asked.

"I shall play the role of BARNABAS!" Zim yelled.

"Yeah, he's the main character. Liz had been intended as the main character but it ended up being Barnabas." wwB lectured.

Gir stepped out from a room, looking humanoid. He had silver hair with cyan eyes and a blue turtleneck. His pants were silvery.

Zim glared at wwB. "Why is my SIR unit a HYUMAN?"

"He needs to be a human for this, Zim!" wwB explained.

"When do I come into this?" Tak asked.

"Not until next story, which will mimic season two. You play Julia."

"So I get to announce every episode?" Zita asked.

"Yes," wwB sighed. "You are cast as Victoria Winters. The people needed on stage are Willie, Jason and Liz!" Everyone looked blank for a moment. "Gir, Dib and Nyx." Everyone nodded in understanding. "Zita, you will talk into this microphone and remember everyone this is LIVE! All mistakes will be broadcasted straight to fanfiction! And THREE, TWO, ONE—"

"WAIT!"

"What?" The authoress clenched her fists.

"Where does Zim go?"

"In this coffin." Nyx walked off the stage, the hairpiece she had on the mimic the appearance of Liz on Dark Shadows slipping as she pushed Zim into the coffin wwB had reconstructed to mimic Barnabas Collins' coffin. Zim let out a startled cry as he hit the cushion of the coffin. wwB slammed the cover down and wrapped chains all around the coffin.

"I really hope this doesn't happen every episode." The authoress muttered, then announced louder. "C'mon people! Nyx, fix your hairpiece! Dib get in the foyer with Gir! Liz, get your ass in the drawing room! Everyone ready? Okay! Broadcasting live to fanfiction in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, THREE, TWO, ONE AAAAANNNNNDDD ZERO!" wwB cued Zita to narrate the beginning.

"My name is Victoria Zita Winters. There are no limits to the things some men will do, they sink to the bottomless depths of corruption, will desecrate sacred ground, and violate that which should remain sealed forever."

Willie Gir Loomis entered a large house through the equally sized

doors. He closed them and proceeded to climb the stairs. At the crest of the steps he heard his name.

"Gir." His friend Jason Dib McGuire said.

"Hiya." Gir replied.

"Where are ya going?" Jason asked, Irish accent obvious.

"My room."

Jason pointed to the ground near his feet. "Come down here."

"What for?" Willie asked.

"I wanna talk with you. Now."

"Whaddya want?" Gir didn't move an inch from the top of the carpeted stairs

"Where have you been?" Dib did likewise not budging from his place in the elegant foyer.

"Oh. Around." Gir shrugged.

"Don't gimme answers like that!" Jason's brow furrowed. "Come down here."

Gir complied but ended up tripping on his way down the stairs. The people backstage laughed at his misfortune. He stopped at the last step, not getting in the foyer but staying on the steps.

"Now I want to know where you've been and what you've been doing." Jason clenched his teeth.

"What are ya so nosy about?" Gir rolled his cyan eyes. His best friend, Dib as he called him could be so untrustworthy.

"Because you've been acting kinda strange, Gir." Only Jason or family called him Gir, his middle name.

"No I'm not." He finally stepped into the foyer, strolling past Dib.

"I know you!" Gir continued past as his friend talked. "Quiet, cagey. I've seen you like this before." He waged his finger at Gir. "You've been doing... stuff. And I wanna know what it is."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He refused to face Dib.

The camera zoomed in on the picture of Barnabas Zim Cahil, an ancestor from the late 1700s. Gir smiled and raised his eyebrows as weird music played in the background.

"Oh, dear lord..." wwB face palmed.

**~~OPENING SEQUENCE (LOOK IT UP ON YOU TUBE. DARK SHADOWS OPENING.)~~**

Willie continued to stare at the painting.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you." Jason commanded, circling around to Gir's right side. When he didn't comply, Jason grabbed his right arm and spun him. He grasped his arms in a hold, so he would have to look and listen to Dib.

Gir laughed. "What? Are ya being rough with me?"

Kat laughed as wwB face palmed.

"I'll be as rough as I have to be. To get some sense into your head."

Gir scoffed at Jason's notion. "Jason what's the matta?"

"You!" Jason pointed to Gir. "You're up to something."

"Why would ya say that?"

"Because you've been asking questions. A lot of questions."

"Like what?"

"About the Cahil family!"

"Yeah." Gir broke free. "Nice people."

"The ones that are dead?" Dib was still skeptical.

"Yeah, they go back a long time."

"That portrait." Jason jabbed a thumb to the painting in the foyer. "What does it mean to you?"

"I like lookin' at it, that's all."

"What about all those books?"

"I like reading."

"Since when is that your hobby?"

"I'm a curious guy."

"Curious alright." Jason scowled. "You'll tell me what you're up to."

"Well I'm telling' you, nothing!" Gir raised a hand. "Honest! I swear on the Bible!"

"The Bible YOU swear on will never be written."

Gir laughed "Alright I'll swear on a stack of stock ups." He sat on a table. "So what do ya think I'm up to?"

"I don't know."

"When do I get some cash?"

"Liz Onyx Cahil just gave me a little."

"Thanks."

"Right now, I want you to go up there," Jason pointed to upstairs. "And pack."

"You want me to go pack?" Gir looked offended.

"That's right."

"Well okay if that's the way you want it." Gir got up and walked up the steps.

"Jason." A woman's voice penetrated the foyer. "I would like to see you."

"Oh sure Nyx." Dib smiled, fake accent cracking. "I'll be right there." He turned to Gir and lowered his voice. "She's going to give me the cash now."

"I'll just go up and pack." Gir turned to the stairs and began climbing them as Dib strode to the doors of the drawing room, closing them on the way in.

"Here." Nyx threw the envelope with $500 cash in it on the small table. "Count it." Jason picked it up.

"But I trust you Nyxie."

"First, I don't trust you and second, call me Liz. That is my name, use it properly, Jason." Nyx announced coldly, fake hairpiece slipping.

"Pst!" Kota hissed, drawing Nyx's attention. "Hair!" Nyx fixed it swiftly.

"C'mon I know it's the amount. I can tell by the feel of it." Dib smiled untrustworthily.

"Either your friend gets out of this house or forget it."

"But-"

"Right now."

"Sorry Liz I can't."

"I'm sure." Nyx sarcastically snorted.

"I deserve a little quiet. Like you wanted from me."

"Silence is costing to much."

"Can't put a price on the kind of silence YOU buy."

"You will be silent."

"Nyx, you're always so business like!"

"You need to get your friend out of this house. Immediately!"

"Oh of course."

Liz marched toward the drawing room's doors. "Good evening." She opened the doors and walked out, leaving Dib there with the envelope.

* * *

Gir had gone to the tool shed and taken some equipment. Break-in equipment. He started towards Eagle Hill Cemetery and went towards the Cahil crypt in the graveyard.

* * *

The clock in the foyer rang out, calling upon Cahilswood a new hour.

"Come in." Nyx answered to knocking.

"Ms. Cahil are you busy?" Zita Winters asked.

"No not at all, come in."

"Thank you."

"What did you want?"

"Just wondered where you were."

"Why?"

"The house is so quiet."

"Well Kat is out."

"Yes."

"She seems to be staying away from the house as much as possible."

A silence creeped over the room as Zita twiddled with her thumbs.

"It seems as if you're busy." Zita walked off.

"Wait. I'm sorry."

"Do you know how much longer we'll have to put up with Willie Gir Loomis?" Zita asked in desperation.

"You don't have to worry about it." Liz stood, face to face with Zita.

"What do you mean?"

"He's leaving."

"When?"

"Right away."

"That's wonderful." A smile graced Victoria's face. "Carolyn Katherine Mertin will be happy. She was afraid he was going to be here forever. Is Mr. McGuire going with him?"

"No."

"I thought they traveled everywhere together."

"I really don't know and seriously don't care!"

"What was it that made Gir want to leave?"

"Your face." Dab coughed.

The shadow of the boom passed over the couch in the drawing room

Zita glared and said, "Well it matters because it's sudden. And Mr. McGuire hadn't figured something out."

"What?"

"Willie's interest in the Cahil family."

"Really?"

"Yes, he's been asking all sorts of questions, going back two hundred years!"

"Curious..."

"He was quite fascinated by the picture in the foyer." Zita reported.

"Which one?"

"That one." She pointed to the painting of Barnabas Zim Cahil.

"Oh, yes." Liz stood. "Barnabas. Most people associated with the family called him Zim, his middle name."

"I've seen Willie just standing in front of it. Staring at it."

"Zim Cahil was known for his jewelry. He wore quite a lot of it. It seems odd that a man like Willie Gir Loomis would be so interested in jewelry that only existed in a painting..." Nyx trailed off, then attacked the fake hairpiece on her head. "Get this damned thing off me!"

* * *

The gate to the crypt creaked open with shrieks of warning yelling at Gir 'No! Turn back! Evil lurks here! Be gone! Do not share our fate!' But Gir had heard the rumors about Naomi Cahil being buried with every single one of her jewels. And of course who hadn't heard of Barnabas Zim Cahil, who wore many jewels, such as the large obsidian ring on his first finger, but was rumored to have been buried in England. So, allured by the jewels, he was prepared to become a grave robber. Gir took out a flashlight. A crewmember shrieked and dove out of the line of the light.

"Oh-no." The authoress muttered. "This production is doomed."

Gir shone the light on the inscriptions on the wall. Above each of the titles, there was a small, ugly gargoyle with a ring in its mouth. There were three coffins and three inscriptions. The sound of a heartbeat thrummed through the crypt. At the middle coffin and inscription, Gir smiled creeperishly. He attempted to pull the top off but failed example by the noises made with the failed attempt.

"Well THAT sounded constipated!" wwB exclaimed. The whole crew not on camera laughed, even Zim whom you can't see at the moment. Gir stayed in character for he knew if he didn't wwB would burn his favorite piggy. The Sir unit turned human tried to lift the top of the wooden coffin several different times. He took a short break to smoke a taco. A small part of the shell was left on the last coffin to rest while Gir got back to work. Soon becoming exhausted, he grabbed a wench and hooks from his duffel shaped like a piggy. Willie looked at the gargoyle mouth with the ring and attached one hook to that and the other to the ring on the wooden coffin of Naomi Cahil. Willie Gir Loomis pulled on the rope attaching the two parts. The ring on the gargoyle pulled out and opened a passage. The heartbeat got even louder by now as Gir hesitantly stepped forth into the room. It had a singular coffin in it, bound by chains. Smiling creeperishly, Loomis grabbed something to cut the chains. Maybe this is Naomi's real resting place! He cut all three loops of the chains surrounding the plain, yet elegant coffin with a stake and hammer. Grinning widely, Gir gathered his tools. By now the thumping of a heart was the only sound heard, even breathing was unable to be heard.

"What is this a stethoscope?" Kat joked. The whole crew laughed except the crew on camera. The time under the pressure of wwB was almost over for now. Just a bit more time to play as puppets.

Gir slowly lifted the coffin door. He let out a scream of fear for his life, as a hand with a large boisterous ring on its first finger grabbed him by the neck and choked him. The camera zoomed in on the finger as weird music played in the background. The picture faded to black as credits rolled out.

**Willie Gir Loomis... Gir**

**Elizabeth Onyx Cahil... Nyx Cahil**

**Jason Dib McGuire... Dib Membrane**

**Barnabas Zim Cahil... Zim Cahil**

**Victoria Zita Winters... Zita **

A creepy voice said at the end:

_Irken Shadows is a wwB production. _

The whole cast congregated in the middle of the room. Nyx and Dib were going over their scripts with Zim while Gir ate a taco and rubbed his neck.

"Gir." wwB called him over. After he halted his bouncing, she resumed what she was saying. "You won't be in the next few episodes. I would like you to learn all of your lines PERFECTLY. Got that?"

The spazzy servant nodded then smoked a taco.

"He doesn't have it." wwB hung her head in her hands.

"wwB! There must be a mistake! At the end of this season, Dib is going to—" Nyx was cut off by Zim.

"WHAT! ZIM WILL –" Zim was cut off by Dib.

"Must I do this?" Dib complained.

"Or your evidence that Zim is an alien will go up in flames." wwB threatened. She raised her voice. "Listen! If I am not obeyed in this production then the things you cherish or wish you had will be destroyed forever. Got it?"

Every person on the set looked at her with utter horror and other emotions that wwB crookedly smiled.

"Yeah, I'm evil. Get over it."

**(A/n) What do you think? And I might be drawing a picture of Zim as Barnabas and everyone in their role for this. And I'm going to possibly post it on Deviant art my account is Punkergal. My power went out and I have an essay due. I'm screwed! :D Did ya like it? If you watch the full episode I think I covered all the main points... Zim gets to strangle a LOT of people in this. And I didn't want to cast Tak as Julia Hoffman but that was the only role I am satisfied with Tak playing. I will make this funnier because I will record any and all mistakes and an episode in the second season will be absolutely ridiculous since my mom and I kept making little comments about Liz's hairpiece. I am elated to finally finish the first 'episode' of this. All the commentary is my own or my mom's. I OWN NOT DARK SHADOWS OR INVADER ZIM THOUGH! R&R! Now at May 17, 2012 I am at season 4 episode 5. **


End file.
